Monday, March 3, 2008
Hard work!!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Valentines Day 2008
Saturday, February 2, 2008
The Note
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
The Walk
I been thinking....pondering this Love and I Love it.I been stuck in a rut feeling like.. My hand was on the door..evan though I really felt I had no where else to go. I miss him alot when he's gone all day and than when he's home it's so crazy that I just feel like a maid. I have lost count of how many kids we have....hahha I have to chuckle at that one..I haven't really lost count It just feels like it as I am spinning circles!! I am a snowwhite of sorts!!
The oldest is Grumpy..than there's Happy ..than theirs Whinney...than theirs.Sleepy..!!!I love them with every breath I have and than some. I want more with him. Is that how ya know ya love someone? You want more kids? HAHAHA!! I know the other nite when He got up at 3am so I could get some sleep after 3 sleepless nights..I know I felt truly loved and so glad to close my eyes knowing he was takin care of things!! And I know he works hard many days it's from 6am to after midnight. And thats just is hateful. I hate not seeing him. Than I start thinking well if Iam gonna be here alone I might as well be.....Ya than when he walks threw the door I melt.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
Does He Love Me does He Not?
Serious.. I did!! I'd act all tough...I failed miserably. I hated feeling unloved. I grew up that way and it continued threw most of my adult life...the feeling of it. I love getting cards. I don't get many. I used to send out more. I'd never miss a birthday of anyone I knew. Though many missed mine. I go all out for holidays but many skip me. I don't do it because of the return..but all the same it still hurts. I wonder why. It hurts deeply.
So our Anniversary came and went no card not one!! and that includes him. Nope not one!! Not from a sis or sis in law or brother or brother in law not one..not from either of our mothers..not evan a call. And whats the importance of it all? ( I love to rhyme) Just feelings of one so small!! So I quit after a while of sending out birthdays, anniversary's and just saying hello at all. It's hard to realize I wasn't really as important to them as they were to me. Our kids birthdays go bye for the most part unnoticed. I invite few but I feel they'd rather not come. So it hurts. And it hurts worse when it's Him.. my Husband. Not evan a Christmas card .But he's busy. He's sorry. So now I am to the point of don't evan notice me on holidays or any other day.
Ya know that song by Janis Ian....At Seventeen? (Well if not I'll write a few of the lines.. This is so me!!)
I learned the truth at 17 that Love was meant for beauty queens..
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles..Who married Young & than retired...
The Valentines I never knew... the Friday night charades of youth....
were spent on ones more beautiful..At 17 I learned the truth.
OOHH is that me or what. I sing the song and cry that's how pathetic I am!! But it's true.
I am not ugly though I am not a beauty queen. I wonder every day whats wrong with me.
So does He Love me...or does He not?
I think he does. I feel he does not. So what is right. Is it because I feel so unimportant in every ones life that it has taken over me...or is it so? How am I to know. It evan spills on to my kids. Especially the oldest. Whom I protected for so long from someone most wicked. Wheres mine..or will I never know?
So I ask and I know I'll sit in silence and ponder it. And He's under my secret scrutiny.
I always want to do loving things for the people I love . I see it all around me. it hurts when i am all alone or the feeling is there at least.
So I feel as i did so long ago But I Love him so so does it really matter in the end if there's a card or not?