My Withered Heart

Hard work!!

2008-03-03T11:01:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I just want us all to ourselves. To not worry about not being here. To pack us up and just go. Like the days of old. Load up the horse and buggy and down the road we will go. But no thats not how it is. It's sitting and waiting all day for him to come home my heart waiting for his arms. I hate that I miss him so much He hates that he's gone so much. So for now I'll wait and beg no more for just a chance to dash out in the snow.

Valentines Day 2008

2008-02-14T08:30:00.000-08:00

Flowers are so Beautiful, Your hand holds mine.

The card so emmotional, Never will we part.

Your Heart is in Mine,

The Love of My Life ,Here for all time.

The Note

2008-02-02T07:35:00.000-08:00

I still have the first note he ever scrawled me..it was on the back of an envolope and It was one sentence..." I miss You already". I treasure it. I wish He'd write more. I love when He leaves me notes. I makes me feel so loved and special. I wish early in the morning when he gets up to leave that one day he'd write something again. One day.

The Walk

2008-01-29T07:22:00.000-08:00

I been thinking....pondering this Love and I Love it.I been stuck in a rut feeling like.. My hand was on the door..evan though I really felt I had no where else to go. I miss him alot when he's gone all day and than when he's home it's so crazy that I just feel like a maid. I have lost count of how many kids we have....hahha I have to chuckle at that one..I haven't really lost count It just feels like it as I am spinning circles!! I am a snowwhite of sorts!!

The oldest is Grumpy..than there's Happy ..than theirs Whinney...than theirs.Sleepy..!!!I love them with every breath I have and than some. I want more with him. Is that how ya know ya love someone? You want more kids? HAHAHA!! I know the other nite when He got up at 3am so I could get some sleep after 3 sleepless nights..I know I felt truly loved and so glad to close my eyes knowing he was takin care of things!! And I know he works hard many days it's from 6am to after midnight. And thats just is hateful. I hate not seeing him. Than I start thinking well if Iam gonna be here alone I might as well be.....Ya than when he walks threw the door I melt.

At Seventeen

2008-01-28T18:21:00.000-08:00

As I wrote this is me.

Does He Love Me does He Not?

2008-01-25T11:46:00.000-08:00

It's almost here..The day I really used to dread!!
Serious.. I did!! I'd act all tough...I failed miserably. I hated feeling unloved. I grew up that way and it continued threw most of my adult life...the feeling of it. I love getting cards. I don't get many. I used to send out more. I'd never miss a birthday of anyone I knew. Though many missed mine. I go all out for holidays but many skip me. I don't do it because of the return..but all the same it still hurts. I wonder why. It hurts deeply.
So our Anniversary came and went no card not one!! and that includes him. Nope not one!! Not from a sis or sis in law or brother or brother in law not one..not from either of our mothers..not evan a call. And whats the importance of it all? ( I love to rhyme) Just feelings of one so small!! So I quit after a while of sending out birthdays, anniversary's and just saying hello at all. It's hard to realize I wasn't really as important to them as they were to me. Our kids birthdays go bye for the most part unnoticed. I invite few but I feel they'd rather not come. So it hurts. And it hurts worse when it's Him.. my Husband. Not evan a Christmas card .But he's busy. He's sorry. So now I am to the point of don't evan notice me on holidays or any other day.
Ya know that song by Janis Ian....At Seventeen? (Well if not I'll write a few of the lines.. This is so me!!)
I learned the truth at 17 that Love was meant for beauty queens..
And high school girls with clear skinned smiles..Who married Young & than retired...
The Valentines I never knew... the Friday night charades of youth....
were spent on ones more beautiful..At 17 I learned the truth.
OOHH is that me or what. I sing the song and cry that's how pathetic I am!! But it's true.
I am not ugly though I am not a beauty queen. I wonder every day whats wrong with me.
So does He Love me...or does He not?
I think he does. I feel he does not. So what is right. Is it because I feel so unimportant in every ones life that it has taken over me...or is it so? How am I to know. It evan spills on to my kids. Especially the oldest. Whom I protected for so long from someone most wicked. Wheres mine..or will I never know?
So I ask and I know I'll sit in silence and ponder it. And He's under my secret scrutiny.
I always want to do loving things for the people I love . I see it all around me. it hurts when i am all alone or the feeling is there at least.
So I feel as i did so long ago But I Love him so so does it really matter in the end if there's a card or not?

In Preparation For Valentines Day!!

2008-01-21T13:58:00.000-08:00

Love...

Hummm does he Love me or not?

Sometimes I want him to just sweep me off my feet..Sometimes I want him to hug me soo tight..

And make me feel like he will never let me go.

Have You been swept off your feet by Your Love ?

Tell me I'd Love to hear about it!!

Someone

2008-01-15T11:11:00.000-08:00

someone is very proud of you,
someone misses you,
someone wants to talk to you
someone hopes you aren't in trouble ,
someone is thankful for Your support ,
someone wants to hold your hand ,
someone hopes everything turns out all right ,
someone wants you to be happy ,
someone is celebrating your successes,
someone thinks you ARE a gift ,
someone wants to hug you,
someone loves you ,
someone admires your strength,
someone is thinking of you and smiling ,
someone wants to be your shoulder to cry on ,
someone thinks the world of you ,
someone wants to protect you,
someone would do anything for you,
someone wants to be forgiven ,
someone is grateful for your forgiveness,
someone wants to laugh with you about old times ,
someone remembers you and wishes you were there
someone needs to know that your love is unconditional ,
someone values your advice,
someone wants to tell you how much they care ,
someone wants to share their dreams with you ,
someone wants to hold you in their arms,
someone wants YOU to hold them in your arms ,
someone treasures your spirit ,
someone wishes they could STOP time for you,
someone can't wait to see you,
someone wishes that things didn't have to change ,s
omeone loves you for who you are ,
someone loves the way you make them feel ,
someone wants to be with you ,
someone hears a song that reminds them of you ,
someone wants you to know they are there for you ,
someone is glad that you're their friend ,
someone stayed up all night thinking about you ,
someone is alive because of you ,
someone is wishing that you would notice them ,
someone misses your guidance and advice ,
someone values your guidance and advice,
someone has faith in you & trusts you ,
someone needs your support ,
someone needs you to have faith in them ,
someone will cry when they read this & maybe it'll be You.

Me

2008-01-15T10:51:00.000-08:00

Iam married. Love him so,
Where this will go who knows.
We have children with toes,
Seems God only knows.
Days fly by with some regrets,
Hold me tight to help forget.
Humbly I will walk alone,
And Pray He leads me home.

Withered I am

2008-01-15T09:53:00.000-08:00

Sometimes it's hard to go on.

Sometimes it's hard being so alone.

Sometimes it seems like there is no end,

Other days it's right around the bend.